Breakeven
by rayaikawa
Summary: Three years into their relationship, Shikamaru decides to break up with Temari. A story on how they dealt with mistakes of the past and eventually getting back what they lost. ShikaTema with Sand Siblings on the side.
1. Heavier Than Summer Air

I do not own Naruto and/or its characters.

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"I'm sorry."

It was a bright sunny day in Konoha. The streets were bustling with people doing their errands, shopping for the upcoming festival. It was summer time and everything felt like summer. The air felt like steam and the humid weather made everyone feel sticky. Red lanterns adored the streets at day that are even prettier when lit at night. Cicadas and all sorts of insects began to crawl out from who knows where. And the hidden village seemed a lot livelier, festive in a way, as summer reached its peak.

"No. Don't be."

She wished she didn't hear him through the deafening noise of the town. She wished she had been mistaken. But she knew she didn't. She heard him loud and clear as if the wailing child three feet from where she stood or the chanting of the drunken men in the next-door yakiniku bar didn't exist.

And as if on instinct, she merely smiled at him like she always did; pretending that that was what she wanted to say.

"I hope we can still be friends… if it's okay."

He rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes looked anywhere but her green eyes that were begging for an explanation. But that would be too much to ask given the little time she has left. And so she began to pick up her bag after taking one last sip of green tea. She showed no signs of discomfort. It was almost turning into a mission. Her goal: get out of the damned teahouse with dignity intact.

"It's okay. I understand."

Of course nothing was okay and of course she did not understand why. She had been faithfully going back and forth as an ambassadress of Suna to Konoha. She spends three months in Konoha and then a month of rest back in her village. For three years, this was how her routine had been. And for each anniversary she celebrated as Suna's Ambassador, the years they spent as each other's special companion peacefully piled up one after the other. Sure, like all couples, they've had their fair share of fights. But they always found a way to reconcile. She had her sarcasm and dark humor and her own way of doing things but he dealt with them either way. Everything had been going smoothly for the past three years. But like that one kunai even a skilled shinobi sometimes misses to deflect, his words pierced through the thick heavy summer air.

She had so many questions for him—mostly why's—because more than depressing or heartbreaking, the sudden revelation was bewildering. But she knew she wouldn't be getting any answers. Heck, she didn't even know if she would be able to carry the weight of those answers if she did pursue any. So like a careful and wise shinobi, she took the chance to retreat.

"I'll see you around." Was her final move.

She made her way through the busy folk going about their day. After a good five minutes of brisk walking, she reached the gate and not for a minute did she stop to look back.

It wasn't aimless, the way she travelled for a week on her way back to Suna. It was merely devoid of reflection. She blocked it off. She probably didn't want to believe it. The breakup seemed surreal and the only way to describe how she felt was akin to standing on top of clear glass; okay but not well, steady but uneasy.

Eventually days made up a week. Like the dutiful ambassadress she has been for the past three years, she got back to Suna on time with all the scrolls and documents that need attention. Upon entering the village, she went straight to her brother's office to drop off said documents. With very little words said, she reasoned out that she simply wants to retire for the evening in her room. The Kazekage replied with understanding and dismissed her with a hint of suspicion.

"Temari," Gaara called just before his sister was about to shut the door behind her.

"Yes, Gaara?" She replied flatly. Every letter was a struggle to form and pronounce. It's as if at any moment now, she would float away like a balloon that slips a careless child's hand.

"I've been taking care of new species of cacti in our greenhouse." He said with his own version of a smile. "And the hydrangeas you planted the last time came back are now in full bloom."

"I'll go look at them now." She replied. "Thank you for looking after them while I was away."

And the door was shut close.

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My first fanfic in over 2 years. I've been working on writing again and I can say I'm getting there.  
If you have the time, please do drop a review for me please? :D

Chapter 2 will be up tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Snap

I do not own Naruto and/or its characters.

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She visited the greenhouse she spends her lazy afternoons at. Dragging her bronze stool, she sat in front her purple hydrangeas. The stool was cool to touch. It was already five in the afternoon and it was already starting to get unreasonably cold. The desert is known for its bipolar weather after all.

He had given her the seeds as a parting present the last time she went back to Suna. He knew how much she enjoyed gardening and he found it cliché to give her flowers or chocolates.

"_Really Shikamaru? Seeds?" She asked with a light chuckle. He walked her to the gate like he always did._

"_Geez you troublesome woman." He scoffed. "I know you like it."_

"_I didn't say I didn't."_

_She smirked and he rolled his eyes._

"_Okay well, have a safe trip back." He said as she took the pack of seeds from him._

"_My brothers are going to flip if they found out you gave me seeds as a present." She held them close to her chest like a baby. "Normally you get girls flowers or jewelry."_

"_Well, you're still head over heels for me, aren't you?"_

"_Very funny." She gave him a kiss on the cheek._

"_Think of it this way. Those flowers are going to keep blooming for as long as you water them… more than a bouquet could ever do!" Shikamaru smiled and leaned over for a hug. "They won't rot and they won't have to go into your trash can anytime soon."_

She recalled the day fondly until she heard the door open.

"What's up sis! Didn't know you were home already." A familiar voice called. It was Kankuro.

"I just got back around an hour ago." She replied. The sight of his brother approaching her made her smile in relief. She did not bother thinking why.

Kankuro dragged his own stool closely beside his sister. The closeness never seemed too much between them. It almost came off as unnatural to _not _be this near her sister. "Guess what happened two weeks ago!"

"I couldn't even begin to imagine."

"Gaara made breakfast." Kankuro said in such a grim tone it was comical.

Temari did not reply but instead nodded in engagement. This was how they always were. Kankuro had always been the talkative type between the two of them. Regardless of what the topic is, he would keep going and she would simply listen. This gave them refuge and comfort—a little break from being the ever so stoic wind tamer and puppeteer of Suna. Since she began her ambassadorship to Konoha, this became a routine of sorts. Kankuro would update her on whatever she missed.

"And you know what else? Baki-sensei had to dance in one of those little parties for graduating genins. It was priceless Temari. You should've seen it!" Kankuro narrated as he laughed, nearly in tears.

Temari looked at his brother and smiled with all the energy left she has. After a whole week of being suspended up in the air, wondering how to explain what it is that she feels, the weight of what happened finally materialized. It's as if the wire that kept it from crushing her snapped in that instant. Maybe it was the sudden comfort Kankuro brought her. Maybe it was because there was familiarity with the way the wind blows here in Suna. She did not need an explanation. Everything keeping her together just broke open and there is nothing she can do about it.

She finally realized the effort she put into holding back her tears and she realized it too late. Tears began trickle down her cheeks. One, two and then, without warning, she began to sob.

It was nothingness. That was what she has been feeling and enduring for the whole week since he told her he couldn't commit to her anymore. The whole time he had occupied a space in her and when he took that part away, she had a gapping hole to fill. It was like being given candy as a child, only to have it taken away from you because some nasty kid in the neighborhood decided to torment you. She didn't want him to go and she knew she has done nothing at all to make him leave. But he did anyway. And now she does not know what to do.

Kankuro, for a moment, merely stared at his sister. He had felt something was weird about her, he just knew it. Either way he didn't need a reason to be there for her. So he offers his shoulder for her to cry on.

No words were exchanged. In understanding, he wrapped his arms around her as she let all the unsaid words turn to tears.

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Thank you for the reviews and follows!  
Please do tell me what you think :)


	3. The People That Care

I do not own Naruto and/or its characters.

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"It's definitely because of that bastard!" Kankuro fumed as he stormed inside his brother's office. The kazekage was innocently signing heaps of paperwork. Various scrolls and a picture of what's left of their "family" was sitting on his desk.

"People normally knock first." Gaara sighed. "And I've replaced that door for a total of four times already… In just a month."

Kankuro didn't bother with his brother's warning. "Gaara, he made her cry."

Gaara slightly tilted his head in confusion albeit with a straight face. "What and who are we talking about?"

"Temari." Kankuro finally simmering down sat down on one of the easy chairs at the corner of the room. "That bastard shadow cunt made her cry. She was sobbing a while ago. I just can't take it." He said as he clenched his fists, anger resurfacing.

_Temari doesn't cry, _the Kazekage mused. As he ascended to the position with a new found purpose in life, his bond with his brother and sister has indeed improved. His bond with his sister however isn't as established due to her frequent absence. Though they can talk comfortably, sit beside each other without tension; there are a lot of things Gaara wished he knew about his sister especially her relationship with Konoha's shadow master.

"Why?" Was all he could come up with.

"I don't know." Kankuro sighed. Kankuro couldn't bring himself to ask his sister about it. She was too hurt to talk, he knew that. But having known her for all his life, he knew it wasn't as trivial as a little misunderstanding. "He most likely broke up with her or she probably found out he was cheating on her or something."

"Then she can go out with another guy." Gaara said with his naïve logic. "If he cheated on her, then that would be good riddance for her."

Kankuro sighed. Being the middle child sandwiched between an emotionally damaged younger brother and a stubborn older sister, he always finds himself breaking things down for the benefit of his often-confused siblings.

"People can't always do that instantly Gaara." He said. "As a matter of fact, no one can. It always takes time."

"But whenever she breaks her fan, she always gets another one right away. She doesn't cry about it." Gaara replied. "In the first place, she already has us to go eat out with or tell stories to, doesn't she?" He followed up.

"Well…" Kankuro did not know where to begin. "Gaara, you can't simply replace people. They're not like toys or shinobi equipment." He continued.

"When you find someone special, someone you can share a part, if not all of you, it hurts to have that person leave your life."

Gaara tilted his head slightly for the second time.

"Just think of it this way." Kankuro explained further. "You take care of your cactus everyday and you watch it grow. But all of a sudden it dies or someone else steals it in the middle of the night. That's how it is, Gaara. It's not fair. Temari doesn't deserve that."

With the clouds parting a bit inside Gaara's head, he stands up and looks out the window. "Maybe Temari should take a break." He says as he grasped the severity of the situation. If it's enough to move Temari to tears, what had happened must've been really horrible.

"You'll allow it then?" Kankuro follows suit and walks toward his brother.

"If that is what she wants, I will."

"Maybe you should talk to her too." Kankuro suggested. "We don't know what it is exactly that happened. You might be able to get answers from her."

"I…" Gaara hesitated. _Would she open up to me?_ He wondered.

"Don't worry." Kankuro put a hand on Gaara's left shoulder. "You'll be fine. If I ask her about it, I'll end up making her cry again. If it's you, I'm sure she'll be able to collect her thoughts."

He was a little weary about the idea. They haven't really talked about anything other than missions, Kankuro's antics or what to eat for dinner. He wasn't so sure if she would let him in her world and if he'll be able to handle it. The last thing he wanted to do is to hurt his sister even more.

"You'll be okay. She's your sister too." Kankuro smiled.

And so did Gaara.

* * *

Thank you for reading!  
The story is a little slow paced right now but it'll start to pick up from here.

I've always been a little disappointed that Gaara's relationship with Temari isn't as showcased compared to how his relationship with Kankuro is. Thus my rendition of how they interact in the following chapters.

Again, thank you for the follows and reviews!  
Will post chapter 4 tomorrow. :)

Until next time~


	4. Under the Moonlight

I do not own Naruto and/or its characters.

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Shikamaru turned to the left.

It's been a week since he bid her goodbye. The air a week ago only got heavier as the summer reached its peak. Even with his white cotton shirt, he was still sweating like it's the last time he'll ever sweat.

The break up did not sink in until after the busy week that passed. Shikamaru handled the joint conference between Kirigakure and Konoha. It was simple and not as troublesome. He said what he wanted to say. He explained that he could not deal with the distance. He said he was sorry.

Shikamaru turned to the right.

The full moon illuminated the room, penetrating through the lonely window. That, too, pissed him off.

He had been planning on telling her that. With the intention of breaking up, he offered to eat a light snack in the afternoon of her day of departure. He gingerly talked about the weather and then the festivities and then he fell silent. Temari of course could tell there was something afoot. And in an instant he let it out.

Surprisingly, he recalled, she merely said okay. He had not been expecting that at all. He _wanted _her to get mad, flip the table, slap him hard and then walk out. Because, after all, he broke up with her without any warning or hint.

But she didn't.

She said that she understood and that she's fine.

And then to the left, Shikamaru turned once again.

"Can't sleep?" The blonde asked.

"Troublesome!" He protested. He sat up on his bed and massaged his forehead. Elbow on his knee, he closed his eyes. "The weather is being troublesome!"

She sat up beside him and took off his shirt. "I don't think it's just the weather."

"Ino, please." He snapped.

He had been going out on friendly dates with his teammate for as long as they've known each other. But for the past six months, these dates have had the tendency to end in his bedroom. Why? Yet another thing that perplexed him. Maybe the loneliness finally made its way in him. Maybe there was something about blondes. Maybe that's just how it is because boys will be boys.

In his defense, it really is hard to be away, always waiting. It did not make sense. Since he had the option, why not? Logically speaking, he did the right thing.

"Okay. Whatever." Ino rolled her eyes.

She stood up and grabbed her ponytail from the side table. "I better go then. Maybe that'll give you more air." She said with a frown.

Shikamaru really couldn't care less. It was so fucking hot and he could not sleep for the love of all the gods he could possibly put the blame on.

_Fuck the weather _he thought. It wasn't how things normally go and that's what bothers him.

He carefully calculated everything. Temari was supposed to do this and that and then he'll apologize and then she'll hate him and then that's it. He prepared himself for this. But it did not come.

And then he realized.

* * *

Cliffie!

So yes. Shikamaru cheated on Temari.  
How is it so far? Do leave a review for me if you have the time!

Thanks for reading :)


	5. Worth the Trouble

I do not own Naruto and/or its characters.

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Buckling his sandal straps, Shikamaru got ready for his trip. He grabs his knapsack with stuff that would barely pass as essential needs. The sun beating down on him already at eleven am.

He had filed for an indefinite leave. Indefinite meaning until he set things straight. And there are a _lot _of things that needed fixing as far as he's concerned.

He can already see it. Long winding roads, possible ambush by amateur bandits, innkeepers charging taking advantage of tourists, and don't even let him get started on the weather. Just thinking about it was troublesome enough.

"_Father,"_

_One look at him and his father already figured that there was something horribly wrong. So instead of asking why, Shikaku sat down on the tatami and set the shogi board in place._

_Shikamaru followed suit and began setting up his pieces. This was how it always was with him and his father. No words needed to be exchanged._

_When the board was ready, Shikamaru moved one of the pawns forward as he began to explain. "I was being practical."_

_And his father moved a pawn forward._

"_I figured," Shikamaru continued as he moved another piece. "…that I had to plan ahead, consider the distance, feasibility of being with her."_

_Shikaku said nothing, waiting for him to continue. A strong gust of wind blew inside the room with the sliding door wide open. There was silence for a while. Only the sounds produced by the garden right outside could be heard. _

"_So I considered my options." Shikamaru's pawn advances._

"_Shikamaru," Shikaku finally opens his mouth. "Do you realize how selfish you are right now?"_

_Shikamaru looks down. "I know I made the right decision. It's what's best. But—"_

"_But you are not satisfied." Shikaku finishes for his son._

"_I want to be."_

"_Did you come here to justify yourself? Asking me to agree with you and confirm your decisions?" Shikaku sharply replies._

_Shikamaru's eyes widen in sudden realization. Indeed he was. He wanted his father's approval so bad because he knew has done something wrong. Subconsciously, he was trying to get console himself. _

"_With matters of the heart, son, logic plays no significance." Shikaku explains. "Because you're not merely manipulating variables."_

_Shikamaru continues to listen intently._

"_And you are hurt right now, aren't you?" Shikaku asks. "You can't play shogi alone."_

_Shikamaru almost burned a hole through the floor. How could he have been so blinded?_

_Shikaku makes his move, Shikamaru is a move away from defeat. _

"_Temari isn't just a piece in the game." Shikaku explains as he makes his last move. "She's the other player. Without her, there wouldn't even be a game."_

Shikamaru recalls the talk he had with his father two days ago. After clearing his head, making sure he understood where he went wrong, he stormed Tsunade's office and got his permission to leave.

Shikamaru began his week long trip.

He can already see it. Long winding roads, possible ambush by amateur bandits, innkeepers charging taking advantage of tourists, and don't even let him get started on the weather. Just thinking about it was troublesome enough.

But she is worth the trouble.

* * *

So sorry for the delay. I've been rather occupied lately.

Anyway, how is it so far? :D  
Thanks for reading and leaving your reviews. I really appreciate it guys!


	6. All My Sorries

I don't own Naruto and/or its characters.

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The sound tore through the silence.

It was deafening and sharp and painful. And he did not bother moving an inch. She wanted to make it clear without words, her anguish. A cold look in her eyes devoid of any pleasant welcome or surprise served a bitter reminder of his guilt.

Her brothers were out. She had no one to remind her how angry she ought to be. Either way, she didn't need any.

"I'm sorry." He repeated with the sensation of her hand striking his cheek still burning half of his face; the impact reverberating.

She looked out of the window. As if it wasn't painful enough. As if it didn't sting enough that he broke up with him without knowing why. He just had to go all the way from Konoha to tell her the reason. Rubbing salt on her wounds.

A new wave of helplessness overcame her.

"Why would you do that?" She asked gasping for air after every word. She was barely controlling her sobs and her legs could only keep her standing tall for so long.

It did not make sense to her. Her pride tearing her to pieces. Questions of what are turning into why.

"I'm sorry." He repeated. He didn't make any excuses. Nothing will ever pass as an excuse and he's accepted it. Hoping to get his feelings across, Shikamaru gently took Temari's left hand.

She looked back at his pleading eyes of noir. Attempting to resist but failed miserably. Her muscles tensed, her resolve wavering. He was sincere. But what has been shattered once will always remain broken.

She shared with him every corner, every crevice of herself. And maybe it was her fault for letting his shadows fill the gaps. But she recalled how he promised her, that he will never betray her and that he'll always be there for her. Those words are nothing but lies now. _What happened to us?_ she wanted to ask. But no sound was produced; no answer would ever be enough.

As if reading her mind, he himself almost reassured her of the everything he promised. But he fell short of courage and only the slight trembling of his lips was all that he could manage. He had no right, he thought. He knew her insecurities and yet he attacked them without thinking.

He remembered the night she laid beside him. She didn't cry but he heard the hurt in her voice. As the eldest, she was the one in need of acknowledgement from her father. And yet she couldn't be the vessel for Shukaku. The former Kazekage couldn't spare a split-second of his time for his daughter. Without anyone to trust, she kept her walls high. But his shadows made it through those walls. He promised her that the sun is up and it won't be dark outside. But he made the sun set again; a night with no moon to light her way and no shadows to keep her company. He left her standing in the dark of the night.

He only wanted her forgiveness. He knew he doesn't deserve anymore than her indifference at least.

"I'm sorry." The fourth.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked pulling her hand out of his without warning. "Are you asking me to forget everything that you did?"

"No." He replied with his hand still open, gapping with the sudden vacancy. "I can't make you forget what happened and I won't ask for you to take me back."

"I just want you to know that what I did, everything, I regret them, Temari." Shikamaru continues. "I… I forgot how much I love you. I couldn't win against distance. I'm racing against the time that stops between us when you're not around."

Temari's eyes widened a bit. In his voice, she hears his desperation. And in her inaudible reply, her realizations.

"I suffered too. I was a victim too." He said. "But I'm not here to justify myself. I know you've suffered every bit as I have if not more than I did. I'm sorry Temari. I screwed up I know."

She looked at him with tired eyes. There was nothing she could come up with. No words would form.

She understood him but her cuts are still fresh. He figured as much from her conflicted gaze. And so he takes it as his cue to leave.

He grabs his belongings and stops before closing the door. Like a cheap chick flick movie character, he takes one last look at the silhouette behind him. She wasn't looking back. She kept her back against his gaze without any movement.

"I'm sorry." The sixth. And he left.

"I'm sorry." The first. And she fell to her knees and cried.

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I wanted to make this scene as heavy as possible without ending up with 5k words for just a chapter. haha I tend to get carried away.

Anyway, thank you so much for keeping the reviews coming!  
If you have time, please do give me feedback on this chapter.

Thank you for reading!  
Next chapter will be more on sand siblings. :)


	7. Knock Knock

I do not own Naruto and/or its characters.

* * *

_Gaara knocked twice with hesitation._

_After Kankuro confronted him about what happened, he knew that he had to do something. He wanted to play a part in his sister's life and it's something he has always been aiming for. He never seemed to have the opportunity to, however. It's not quite what he wants, for something serious as this to happen just so he'd have the chance. But with the support his brother gave him, his feet took him before Temari's room._

_The doorknob jiggled and the door slowly opened._

"_Ga…Gaara?" Temari attempting to switch gears from crying let out a discreet gasp._

"_Temari," He began. "I need to talk to you."_

_Temari frowns. This can't be good. His brother only seems to talk about missions and concerns about the village. "Gaara," She replies. "Is there something wrong with the documents?"_

_She motions him to come in. And Gaara gingerly enters his sister's room._

_It was nine in the evening. The walls painted with off white paint. A small lamp was lit at the far end of the room. Other than that, the full moon was the only source of light. The room is spacious. Temari's bag and fan were set-aside to the corner opposite to the lamp. One bed, a desk and two picture frames. The room gives of the impression that no one uses it. The cleanliness was eerie. And yet one of the two frames lay broken on the cold hard ground._

_Gaara learned through the years that having everything written down to a script isn't the best way to connect to people. And with that, he learned albeit unorthodox, his own way of communicating his tender feelings. This definitely isn't his expertise and he is still rather overwhelmed by his sister's situation. But reaching out is better than giving up._

_Gaara tensely sits on his sister's bed. "There's nothing wrong with the documents."_

_He was so stiff. He barely put any weight on the bed it didn't even wrinkle. "I just wanted to ask you how you've been lately." He smiled with all his strength focused on hiding all his inhibitions. Kankuro taught him that a smile always eases tension. He isn't an expert just yet but he learned to pull his face muscles to form their own brand of handsome._

_Temari sat beside his brother, the distance minimal. "It was as usual." She replied flatly. She doesn't know if she should open up but she can't lie to him. She can't lie to her heart._

_She can see that he was worried about her. She saw right through him. With his change came his vulnerability. The boy was no longer afraid of hurting. His walls faded along with the chill in his voice, the terror in his eyes. _

_She looked at him for a while; his precious little brother who at one point was blamed for his own existence. She smiled a little. She knew she could never take back everything he lost in his youth. But as his eldest sister, she wanted to make him feel that all the pain in the past is worth it; that the 'now' they have is enough to compensate for the darkness._

"_I…" His brother hesitated again, stuttering wasn't like him._

_She started crying again but this time, less violently. "It's silly of me." She said. She was supposed to be the one opening her arms to him if he needed comfort. And here they are with roles reversed. "It's silly of me to cry about this, Gaara."_

_He looked at his sister with worry. He wrapped his arms around her and soon he found himself consoling her. "Kankuro told me."_

_She didn't explain because she couldn't. Right now she just couldn't keep the hurt inside. It wanted release._

"_We're here for you. Kankuro and I." Small words from Gaara that meant everything to Temari._

It's been a week and a half since that night. When Gaara got home, he felt his sister's presence but it seemed like no one was home.

He took of his kazekage robes and went upstairs. Faint sobs from the other end of the hallway.

And here he is again. In front of her door.

Gaara knocks twice.

He knows this isn't the time to smile. But he's glad he can knock without hesitation anymore.

Because he knows he's always welcome.

* * *

This one picks up from chapter 3 incase you guys were wondering whatever happened to the Temari-Gaara talk :)

As usual, thank you so much for all the reviews and likes and follows! AHH thank you so much!  
I'll update asap! Up next is a chapter on Ino.

'Till then!


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